just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
