I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
