if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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