Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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