I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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