He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
