Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
