I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
