fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Semen is not good for contacts.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
