Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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