why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
