is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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