I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
