before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
