We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
