I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
