the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
