i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
