apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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