I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
