Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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