Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
