Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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