No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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