Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
