help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
