ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
