I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
