i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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