just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
