question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
