I smell stomach acid.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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