i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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