I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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