i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
