Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
