Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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