I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
