I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just threw up on my dentist
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
