I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize