note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
