upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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