Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
