Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She announced her abortion via fbk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
