her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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