Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
