Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He passed out mid-signature
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
