I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
