Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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