shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
