Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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