I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
