Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
