I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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