Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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