Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
