My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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