found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need a beard to bite.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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