It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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