Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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