I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
