You made me cry and you don't even care
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
