Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
