We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
