i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
