it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
