I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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