I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
