even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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