u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
