his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They have beer where we have blood.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
