Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
