...so i touched it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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