I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
