Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
