i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
