i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
