Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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