So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
