rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
