I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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