It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
