When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
