He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
