I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
