It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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