he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
