just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
