thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
